Out of It? One Service Involvement Team Founder's Journey - Part 1

We are often approached by people who are just beginning to contemplate treatment and recovery. This week, in the first of a new series, Addaction and DrugScope volunteer Gay Gower describes her own initial journey. Little did she know at the time that she was starting on a road that would take her from alcohol service user to co-founder of Out of It?, a new development of Lewisham Service Involvement Team.

As with many addicts, my journey to the realization that I had a 'problem' and actually ask for help took me nearly 30 years. During that time and in varying degrees alcohol was never far from my thoughts or in my hand. I stumbled from one disastrous relationship to another creating mayhem for myself and those around me, with my family and friends taking the brunt of it. It amazes me to this day that I still have either with the amount of abuse I've dished out over the years and am forever grateful that they are still a part of my life.

I did what a lot of alcoholics do and hid behind the banner of 'Depression'; somehow that was far more acceptable label to have than that of alcoholic! It was also easy to hide behind that when ending up in hospital (yet again) after a suicide bid or bout of self harm. It also meant I didn't have to take responsibility for my actions: I could pass the blame on. Then three years ago I voiced that I needed help for my drinking and that was the first step to a painful liberation from the chaos that was my life. It was my 'window of opportunity', at first I was reluctant, still thinking I could go back to 'social' drinking at a later date - "yeah, right!"

Even after dishing out drunken abuse to the Doctor at the Dual Team, he went out of his way to get me a place in a residential detox unit within two weeks; I now know that was pretty quick considering how long some have to wait for placements. I spent three weeks in Equinox at the Elephant & Castle (020 7820 9924; www.equinoxcare.org.uk). It was a very scary, daunting time and my head was all over the place but I was met with understanding, help and most of all some time to assess what my next step should be. I did know that I needed more help and that if I was just left to my own devices after leaving it wouldn't be long before the old cycle started again. It was whilst in Equinox that I was introduced to my care manager, who I got on with immediately. I can't stress enough the need to have a care manager who you can relate to and feel comfortable with. I know for myself that if I didn't have that my wall would have gone up and resistance set in and this particular story could have had a very different end.

After looking at different options of rehabilitation programmes with her and my key worker at Equinox I noticed one in particular that I felt would be right for me. It was The Core Trust (020 7258 3031 www.coretrust.co.uk) a holistic approach to recovery. The literature stated that it was a five-day-a-week day programme with a community ethos and complete abstinence was required. If there was one thing I knew, it was that I couldn't pick up another drink but how to achieve this long term was another matter!

To say I was surprised when I first went to Core would be an understatement. Amidst the hustle and bustle of Marylebone tucked away was this oasis of calm housed in a row of terraced cottages over 100 years old. It may sound corny but it didn't take me long to feel that I belonged there and as a feeling of 'belonging' anywhere had eluded me all my life that was something pretty special in itself. With a mixture of holistic therapies, group and individual therapy I slowly began to trust and open up to others and myself. In total I spent 13 months at Core and continued with my 121 therapy once a week for a further six months. I made some very good friends at Core who I'm still in contact with and I believe I will always be a part of Core itself and will continue to go to their celebrations. The staff were lovely, it never felt like 'them and us' and they really cared about us as individuals. Being at Core enabled me to take responsibility for myself and my actions instead of trying to lay the blame anywhere but where it belonged, with me. No one made me pick up a drink I 'chose' to do that all by myself.

Gay Gower
Out of It?

In Part 2, on 24 November, Gay recounts how the Next Steps programme opened new doors for her.

If you are contemplating your own road to recovery, your GP should be able to refer you to the local service that is right for you. Alternatively, you can find treatment services on Helpfinder, or in one of the other service directories.


Out of It? logo used with permission